Category: funny

Things that I find entertaining

Today’s million dollar idea:

a machine that induces fake labor so that women who use a surrogate can know the sensation/pain of childbirth. It must be called “the contraction contraption”

I was today years old…

…when I realized that sip and piss, being opposites for fluid intake and output, are almost palindromes

No need to thank me!

Edit: while swimming laps, my brain informed me that by putting the extra ‘s’ in the middle, it becomes an actual palindrome: “pisssip.”

Okay, NOW you can thank me.

I don’t see pisssip becoming a useful neologism, unless the concept of a “shower beer” expands to include “a can on the can.”

It’s a bass guitar

You just might have to pronounce that differently than your first instinct

Since there are no big waves, it’s obviously tuned to “sea flat.”

Wake up!

I will now take a /goofy bow

Give and take

There’s an inherent paradox I quite enjoyed today in the fact that immediately after getting two vaccines, I had to wander down to the lab to get blood drawn. It’s like the medical version of “Dueling Banjos.”

It was a lot of blood, too – I had to sit there for 10 minutes to fill up all the vials. Another fun parallel: the nurse smacking my arm to get a vein to come up is much like anyone with a non-squeeze, glass bottle of ketchup.

Now that I think back on it, she was probably just hitting me remembering the last time I was there.

Sub-par humor

So, first we lost the Titanic there. Then, the Titan went missing.

If past results are any indication, we’ll drop two more letters and the next vessel to disappear will be the Tit?

It’s a supluralative

The plural of “you do you” is obviously “y’all do y’all.”

I do not believe further discussion is warranted on the subject.

Except perhaps to add that the plural of “y’all do y’all” is “all y’all do all y’all.”

Can you figure out why I’m disappointed before I tell you?

As I was going to lunch, I stopped by my car in the parking garage. This involves going from floor 2 to floor 5.

As I get in the elevator, there is another gentleman there, with a giant trash can on wheels. Floor six (the top floor) is already lit up, and as I go to push the button for 5, I notice that the trash can is filled with fire extinguishers.

I will omit the needless details of polite elevator chit-chat. I exit on 5 and go to my car.

It only takes a few moments to figure out that he is boringly replacing fire extinguishers, instead of the much more exciting concept of riding the trash can down the parking garage propelled by the extinguishers.

And that is when the disappointment set in. I had even hoped to see him jettison used canisters as ballast on his way down.