A la “beat poetry” but let’s call it “dad poetry”
If you’re wondering what that is, look no further than our competitions:
Instead of poetry slams
we’ll have poetry shuts
Obviously, each competition should start with the MC saying “I’d like to open this shut…” Then, to the (even nonexistent) lighting guy: “Hold the light steady”
If you get eliminated or don’t make the next round or whatever you “shut the bed”
They don’t really end, we just shut them down
Naturally, they’ll begin and end at a sensible time. Never during “the game.” Always plenty of parking.
And don’t think for an instant that this isn’t the kind of bullshit I couldn’t be goaded into picking up and launching. This is me, for fist’s sake, and I’m in Austin.
This morning while chatting on his drive to work, a friend gave me the phrase “functional shui”
Saturday morning, headed to breakfast. Tooling down the road in the right lane, taking it easy with radar cruise on, passing a bunch of pickups towing empty trailers in the left lane. Grey GMC SUV was obviously getting frustrated and passed one of them using the suicide lane – almost living up to the name while swerving in to my immediate left yet still stuck behind another in the same apparent caravan. Truckavan? Nah. My passenger said “Whoa!” I, while gesturing at the model of Yukon on the side replied: “They think they’re going to get ahead of these trucks before the light, but they’re in Denali.” I apologize, and you’re welcome.
Truckaflatbed? Hell no, that’s worse, almost obscenely specific. What is the collective noun here? A clot sounds aggressively judgy. A queue implies less motion than there was.
but I suspect it’ll work just fine with roma tomatoes too
…when we should start referring to the number 10 as “a metric dozen.”
Obviously, that makes 8 a binary dozen, right? Or do we round that one up to 16?
was the qwerty keyboard designed to make typing the word awkward awkward?
was craft services for the film Jaws focused on charcuterie?
Finally found the proper neologism for my Hawaiian shirt and cowboy hat style:
Y’alloha
…in the fact that the words “sturdy” and “custardy” are antonyms
… to cultivate a cult with the culture of the occult
Even after voting for a constable today, I still maintain the only proper definition is “a variable that doesn’t ever change”
I am SHOCKED that google returns nothing for this search. Literally unbelievable that in the course of human civilization (yes, yes, such as it is) this word has not been created, to describe two snakes eating each other’s tails, in an infinity symbol.
If anyone wants to make me an animation showing that, I’ll pay for it.
a machine that induces fake labor so that women who use a surrogate can know the sensation/pain of childbirth. It must be called “the contraction contraption”
It’s about fucking time somebody was advised about me
