Category: funny

Things that I find entertaining

Sunday is going to be one of the worst days of my life.

I’ve been friends with a couple of guys for 20 years now (since it’s 2016, officially). They’ve been best friends since long before I met them. Tonight, I got a call from one of them, confirming my worst fear – the other one is now officially in hospice, and is sinking fast, leaving behind a wife and young daughter. The phrase “too soon” is an understatement.

Those of you that have known me for any length of time will probably recall a time when there has been a stripping clown. This guy is the reason. Most of my memories of him involve me laughing to the point where inhaling air HURT. He is responsible for my antitheist preference for “I acknowledge your sneeze without further comment” over “Bless you.”

I have a “trophy shelf” in my office. On it are many mementos, such as the doorbell from my Grandma Tonne’s house (one of my earliest memories). On it also are at LEAST 3 items from when he and I worked together, not the least of which is a “mulimedia etch-a-sketch”. (The two others I can think of without going up there are “Catbert” and “Birdbert”…)

For the first time since he got sick, he wants visitors. For that reason alone, I fear that it will not be long before he is taken from us forever. I asked G to join us for the visit – and she, being the kind soul that she has always been, said, and I quote:

I want to go see him anyway. If you told me you were going I would probably ask to come.

My daughter, ladies and gentlemen. Even as my heart is breaking, it swells with pride. I’m trying to brace myself to be brave, and funny, and touching without being maudlin.  In the meantime, I’m going to watch some Marx Brothers films to lamely attempt to cheer myself up.

Bookmarks catchup/cleanup

It’s been much, much too long since I’ve cleaned up my bookmarks “other” folder; A simple dump is all that I can bother with at this size.

I wish my daughter was having some fun growing up…

We whiled away a delightful and filling evening with Didi and Torsten, gorging ourselves on a delicious steak dinner and earlier munchies. Then, to top things off, G and her friend decided they wanted to bake some dessert while the menfolk sat on their asses and watched UT decimate Kansas.

Those of you who have watched “The IT Crowd” will understand that I’m telling you that what is on G’s face is chocolate.

And, as always, I remain convinced that the best sound in the world is my daughter’s laughter.

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Credit where credit is due…

They said the rain would begin at 11pm. With the garage door open, I was able to verify this as true within 2 minutes error. Well done, forecasters. I would raise a glass to you, except that:

The drinking game still holds true. As a reminder, the key words are:

  • shelter
  • precaution
  • evacuation

An economic technicality…

Technically, I never could boycott chick-fil-a, because I never ate there.

Similarly, I cannot support Doritos rainbow Doritos, because I don’t eat them anyway.

It’s probably too much to simply acknowledge that most sushi joints already have a “rainbow roll”…

A full weekend of anniversaries…

So, if we go by the eventually allowed marriage certificate, Cy and I have been married a whole three months since yesterday.

If we go by our accounting, we’ve been together 30 years today.

The best part of my day? Telling Cy to go back to sleep while I help G with her homework. He’s earned a rest after 30 years, and I’m so proud that she is taking full responsibility for her own homework.

I couldn’t be happier with my family.

#anniversaryzilla

Is it wrong?

Is it wrong that I now feel that I should start a landscaping removal service called “Sod Off?”

What has four thumbs and a filed marriage license?

These guys!
These guys!

I would like to thank:

  • My parents and my in-laws (no longer out-laws!) for providing such an excellent example of commitment.
  • The Travis County Clerk’s office, specifically:
    • Dana Debeauvoir, for leading such a great team who made us feel welcome from beginning to end
    •  Adrian R., our clerk, who helped us by walking us through the process (and remembering us when we returned to file!)
    • Louis L., and his team who made the filing process – well, if not fun, at least painless.
  • District Judge Gisela Triana, who made the process of getting a wavier fun.
  • Our officiant, who for now chooses to remain anonymous.
  • My entire management chain at work, for their well-wishes, and accommodation of missing an entire day on such short notice.
  • Hundreds of facebook friends for their likes and congratulations!
  • The dozens or hundred of other couples going through the same welcome process – folks were sharing flags, flowers, photos – just about anything to make everyone’s special day…well, special!
  • The officiant offering free services outside Judge Triana’s courtroom – we didn’t need you, but we were glad you were there!
  • Diane and Torsten, for their insistence on joining us to celebrate afterward.
  • Our Esther’s family, for unrestrained joy they all shared with us
  • Our daughter, for her patience with both daddies on this historical day
  • Cy, for the rest of our lives together. Oh, what the heck, for the past 30 years, too…
  • And finally, snarkily, Anton Scalia, for being so wrong about every decision he’s put in writing since joining SCOTUS, that I know when he was this upset that this was DEFINITELY the Right Thing To Do, no hesitation nor doubt on my part.
  • And now, really for final finally, our daughter again, for making a joke confusing SCOTUS with SCROTUS. Honestly, folks, that’s what she said. No idea what SCROTUS would stand for, but I ended up giggling almost as hard as she was…

 

On the eve of the supreme court hearing, I must posit a ridiculous idea:

Every minority that has gained acceptance in the US has gained it be beginning with cuisine.

Therefore, I propose that part of the reason that LGBT acceptance is at what must almost be the tail end of minorities is the lack of a “gay quisine”. Note: “Brunch” doesn’t count…

The closest I’ve come in my life was a gay bar in Pittsburgh years ago that had a baked chicken with brie and apricot preserves entree, and honestly, that can’t compare to Pho, or curry, or Guinness, or lasagne, or hummus, or any of a thousand other dishes that our culture has absorbed.

Despite that lack, we’re still on the cusp of equality. (And let’s be glad that it wasn’t sponsored by Apple, otherwise we would be fighting for iquality…)