Category: awful

Posted on

It’s a supluralative

The plural of “you do you” is obviously “y’all do y’all.”

I do not believe further discussion is warranted on the subject.

Except perhaps to add that the plural of “y’all do y’all” is “all y’all do all y’all.”

Posted on

Can you figure out why I’m disappointed before I tell you?

As I was going to lunch, I stopped by my car in the parking garage. This involves going from floor 2 to floor 5.

As I get in the elevator, there is another gentleman there, with a giant trash can on wheels. Floor six (the top floor) is already lit up, and as I go to push the button for 5, I notice that the trash can is filled with fire extinguishers.

I will omit the needless details of polite elevator chit-chat. I exit on 5 and go to my car.

It only takes a few moments to figure out that he is boringly replacing fire extinguishers, instead of the much more exciting concept of riding the trash can down the parking garage propelled by the extinguishers.

And that is when the disappointment set in. I had even hoped to see him jettison used canisters as ballast on his way down.

Posted on

I sit here, safe and snug with my family as the storms roll in…

…and I wonder how many folks in downtown Austin are wishing they had a choice of Uber or Lyft, but couldn’t vote because they have a DUI on their record.

And as a followup, why did Uber and Lyft let the “Big Corporations writing our laws” meme stand instead of coming back with a “Big corporations fighting about which corporations get to write our laws” meme? Aside from being a cash cow, how is the medallion scheme any less a bribe?

Meh. Probably time to go to sleep.

Posted on

Twas the night before southby…

Twas the night before southby
Twas the night before southby

Twas the night before southby and all through the town

Not a car was stirring, no-one could get around.

Each person alone, and still on their phone

As the mayor said, tomorrow, work from home.

The presidents visit, he said, not his first

Will make tomorrows traffic much closer to worst.

Posted on

That’s what she said.

Last night, we lost a dear friend who brought joy into the life of everyone he met.

For example, from my 30th birthday surprise party:

Robert started the whole "stripping clown" thing
(Robert started the whole “stripping clown” thing)

His daughter and G were the original “Aristocrats” for Wand…

Our original "Aristocrats"
Our original “Aristocrats” – it really is QUITE different!

And he was the first recipient of the revenge surprise party…

Follow the link only if you really want to know what the cake said...
Follow the link only if you really want to know what the cake said…

Wherever Robert went, joy followed. The world is less without him. Fuck cancer.

Posted on

Sunday is going to be one of the worst days of my life.

I’ve been friends with a couple of guys for 20 years now (since it’s 2016, officially). They’ve been best friends since long before I met them. Tonight, I got a call from one of them, confirming my worst fear – the other one is now officially in hospice, and is sinking fast, leaving behind a wife and young daughter. The phrase “too soon” is an understatement.

Those of you that have known me for any length of time will probably recall a time when there has been a stripping clown. This guy is the reason. Most of my memories of him involve me laughing to the point where inhaling air HURT. He is responsible for my antitheist preference for “I acknowledge your sneeze without further comment” over “Bless you.”

I have a “trophy shelf” in my office. On it are many mementos, such as the doorbell from my Grandma Tonne’s house (one of my earliest memories). On it also are at LEAST 3 items from when he and I worked together, not the least of which is a “mulimedia etch-a-sketch”. (The two others I can think of without going up there are “Catbert” and “Birdbert”…)

For the first time since he got sick, he wants visitors. For that reason alone, I fear that it will not be long before he is taken from us forever. I asked G to join us for the visit – and she, being the kind soul that she has always been, said, and I quote:

I want to go see him anyway. If you told me you were going I would probably ask to come.

My daughter, ladies and gentlemen. Even as my heart is breaking, it swells with pride. I’m trying to brace myself to be brave, and funny, and touching without being maudlin.  In the meantime, I’m going to watch some Marx Brothers films to lamely attempt to cheer myself up.

Posted on

Bookmarks catchup/cleanup

It’s been much, much too long since I’ve cleaned up my bookmarks “other” folder; A simple dump is all that I can bother with at this size.