Category: funny

After an impromptu sleepover, we took G and a friend to Schlitterbahn. Between a lack of sleep, sheer distance, the energy of youth, thunderstorms, exuberantly potent displays of reliability, wrecks on the other side of the highway, stoplights under repair, road construction, long family conversations, t-mobile incompetence, and toll-road cronyism, it has been a very long, long day.

Important things I have learned today:

1. G understands that “No.” means “No.” Even with us. Last night we were looking at the web site, she saw one ride we had dome before, and she said, “I don’t want to do that one anymore.” (It does shove water up your nose!) Today, she said “yes” but then changed her mind. After I had already gone down it. With her glasses in one pocket, and our cash in another, so I had no hands free to protect myself from the onslaught. I waited for the folks after me to make a loop around the “lazy river”, then went looking for them. Found them just as they were reaching the bridge. I wasn’t even mad. I’m glad she stands up for herself, even with us. I want her to be a strong woman when she grows up, so I’m glad to reinforce that “no” means “no!”
2. There is one very strong indicator that I am aging out of amusement/water parks. I have no tattoos, and plan on none until I can marry in the state I live in. We’ll do wedding ring tattoos, just to prove to you breeders that you all are, in fact, dilettantes compared to us. (But don’t get me wrong — I still support straight marriage!)
3. No amount of consoling can relieve G from the sound of nearby thunder. Even when surrounded by incredibly tall, incredibly grounded metal poles.
4. Without time for analysis, I cannot distinguish between “The Illusionist” and “The Prestige”. I know that one has Bowie as Tesla, and one has a Phillip Glass score, but which is which? Beats me, and I’m watching one of them now. I cannot name it.
5. There is only one person on the planet worse than estimating time than Cy, and that person is me.
6. My daughter is a rule-follower (I knew that before.) Even through teenage-like rebellion and seemingly-endless negotiation, she chooses what is proper. We try to reward this behavior. She knows how to exploit this rewarding. This is the essence of “standoff”, and leads to very tedious discussions in the end. Factual arguments can sway her well, and she knows this pleases me, and leads to greater rewards down the road.
7. I’m in trouble, as a parent. G knows me too well.